The weekend protesters had been waiting for finally arrived – the weekend Donald Trump decided to pay us a visit and we decided to, well, tell him to fuck off.
Donald and Melania flew into Stansted (didn’t realise Air Force One was operated by RyanAir – wonder if they picked up some booze in duty free?) on Thursday night.
They then flew to central London by helicopter, and then on to Blenheim Palace to meet Theresa for dinner. Despite travelling by helicopter, he was still late.
And they held hands again ffs. Vom.
At 11pm, THAT interview dropped, and it was revealed that Trump had actually come to the U.K. to slag us off. He said he didn’t agree with Theresa about her Brexit deal, said Boris would be a better PM, and of course threw Sadiq under the bus too for good measure.
Of course, our spineless PM was just like “hehe OK” and didn’t seem to care. Even though she looked like a right mug after just having a lovely meal with him, where she actually showered him with gifts. Plus, this comes after the chaos of last week and people resigning over her Brexit plans. Oh hun. Can’t catch a break!
The next day, thousands of protesters marched in central London to tell Trump that we did not want him there. The “Trump Baby” blimp was also released on Parliament Square. All in all, London pretty much hammered home the message that we wanted him to fuck right off.
Meanwhile, the spouses Melania and Phillip had a delightful time playing a spot of boules. Of course, Melania still made a fashion faux pas, wearing 6 inch Louboutin heels to play lawn games.
Trump and Theresa then did some BS press conference where they basically kept talking about their “special relationship” (creepy) and how despite Donald completely slagging her off in the Sun, their relationship was still special and they were going to reach an agreement with Brexit and the USA.
From there, Donny travelled to Windsor to meet the Queen, poor thing. And of course, he completely cocked that up too.
First of all, he was 12 minutes late. I mean – you do NOT keep the goddamn QUEEN waiting. He then didn’t bow to her, and then WALKED IN FRONT OF HER which is like… NOT allowed. And tbh is just rude.
He then travelled to Scotland to play golf (of course), but luckily the Scots had that one covered, with another big protest in Glasgow and a paraglider swooping over his hotel and resort with a banner reading “Trump: Well Below Par”. Just beautiful.