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*prays* please go to prison, please go to prison

This is it. The tea we’ve all been waiting for. And no, I’m not talking about echinacea tea that I’m currently sipping cos I’m ill, I’m talking about the absolute TEA that was spilled yesterday in court.

Donald Trump’s former lawyer, Michael Cohen (who was fired in May), admitted to one count of wilfully causing an unlawful corporate campaign contribution and one count of making an excessive campaign contribution.


These “contributions” came from Donny telling him to pay porn star Stormy Daniels and ex-Playboy model Karen McDougal hush money in the months leading up to the election in order to influence the results. Which is like, hella illegal. Especially Cohen openly admitted that this was done “for the principal purpose of influencing the election”.

Lanny Davis, Cohen’s lawyer, has basically taken the stance of “yeah, my client was guilty, but if he’s going down the President’s going down with him” in a series of tweets he wrote yesterday.

Cohen then also admitted to other charges of tax fraud and making false statements to a financial institution. YIKES!

He’s now facing a three to five year jail sentence.



Trump’s former campaign manager, Paul Manafort, has also been found guilty of bank and tax fraud. He was found guilty on eight counts of financial crime: five counts of filing false income tax returns, one count of failing to file a report of a foreign bank account in 2012, and two counts of bank fraud.


There were 10 other charges against him too, but the judge declared a mistrial on these after jurors couldn’t reach a verdict. However, after four days, the jury decided “yeah he’s pretty damn guilty” on the other eight charges. He avoided paying more than $16m (£12.4m) in taxes over several years, paying for his lavish lifestyle through offshore transfers from shell companies in Cyprus. Christ.

And on TOP OF THIS, he has also been accused of:

  • Conspiracy against the United States
  • Conspiracy to launder money
  • Making false statements
  • Acting as an unregistered foreign agent for Ukrainian interests.

He faces trial for these in DC later in the year.

Trump said he was “very sad” for him. Lmao.

But what does this mean for Trump?

Well, Harry Litman, a former US attorney said that Manafort’s guilt means Trump is “as good as having found guilty of campaign finance and wire fraud crimes” and that the crimes are “really central” to the presidency as they “involved an attempt to exploit and corrupt the system in order to get him elected in the first place”.


Bad news though. Apparently Trump is unlikely to face any serious consequences because he has a “firewall” defending him, as the House and the Senate are both massively Republican, and y’know, he’s the President.

Impeachment would rely on members of his own party taking his crimes seriously and actually wanting him out. Which, y’know, is unlikely. But still we pray.



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